Happy New Year ... 2 0 1 0

Merry Christmas from Sunny San Diego

The Day After...

Wow...what a great day I had. It was probably the best birthday I have ever had. And it was not so much about the presents, cake, messages and friends, but about how much I have grown to appreciate who I am and who surrounds me and I have a choice in the matter every single day. I am very fortunate and grateful for my life. And for those of you who don't know me... You don't know what you are missing... ;o)

Happy Birthday

When I was little, my parents used to say, "You can pick a present under the tree and open it on your birthday." I said, "That is not right. That means I will have one less present for Christmas." They would look down at me and smile which basically meant, "Take it or leave it!"

Little did I know that they would add another gift at the end so it was even between my brother and I. All was well.

Yes, I was a brat and still am. But I am glad I was born and on this day, I take time out for me and really celebrate my past, present and future. And my future, by all indications, is looking great.

Bring on the new year 2010. I am ready for you.... so ready!

To all the Sagittarians out there: Happy Birth Month!

And playing on the beer guitar...Happy Birthday of course!

Uhm... painting in progress...

Too much color? Trying to limit the palette. I am still working on it...

Let me have it Error...

Gossip

What I like best about this photo is the misty gray/blonde hair at the bottom of the frame... Special Effects!
Fun band to see... She (Beth) is a character...Bette Midler meets Punk...ish

In Facebook, click View Original Post.

Merry Christmas

I am not going to say Happy Holidays or whatever is PC these days. I am saying Merry Christmas. If it fits, wear it. If it doesn't, work on Christmas Day!

This is a painting I did during a musical performance Christmas 2007. I had about 8 minutes to cover a 3 x 5 foot canvas thus, the painterly and loose strokes. Not as good as the Almighty "6" but never said I was. Just a gushing fan...

Doing this painting for 3 services in a row was physically challenging and a highly emotive experience. Thought I would share the timely image.

~*~Merry Christmas~*~

Rio Baby!

I had the opportunity to go to Rio de Janeiro and it was quite the experience. I stayed at the JW Marriott in Copacabana so all the creature comforts were alive and well. Outside those doors, however, was an extreme display of wealth and poverty with very little middle class. In fact, their poverty made ours look like middle class. The slums, otherwise known as favela were spilling over the mountains and down onto the coast literally butting up against the most wealthy hotels along Ipanema, LeBlon and Copacabana. It was incredible. Beyond that, the scenic views were breath-taking, from the canopy of the rainforest to the vistas from Sugarloaf and Cristo Redentor. The rainforest was thick and dense with no veering off the familiar path. Sugarloaf had an interesting history and views to no end. The statue was incredibly larger than I had imagined and saw in the James Bond movie. Quite humbling actually.

Also, got to participate in the world's largest blackout. I was in the hotel at the time and it was dark for about 15 minutes then the generators kicked in. So, not bad. However, looking out the window and once seeing a bright coast stretching for miles was now black as velvet. It was eery. Plus, the thought did cross my mind: looting. But the security at the hotel and throughout the city was alerted so I felt safe even though it may have been a false security. What I found out the next day was that the hospitals generally do not have generators so infants and elderly on ventaltors perished during the blackout. I could not help but feel selfish and disgusted that the priorities are all wrong.

All in all, a fantastic trip. Can't say as I would go back, however. And it will be very interesting to see how the Olympics will fair in 2016. There is outward begging, corruption and violence from the favelas that is bigger than their police force can handle. I can only imagine what they will need to do to get ready for such a worldly event. However, the Olympics will bring a stimulus to their economy that will hopefully be shared. (?!?)

I highly recommend the trip and bring your cameras. The diversity of simply everything in that area and culture is outstanding. And the beaches... well, let's just say that toplessness is considered immoral in their culture but a micro-bikini and speedos are just fine. And their body imagine is not a problem at all. From absolutely beautiful to downright homely, there was no shame at all. Made us white Americans seem ridicules. Really!

Peace my friends... If all y'all are on facebook, there are plenty more pics over there. Friend me. or if you cannot find me, I will friend you.

Wait... What? Too much?

Okay, so I got talked in to taking part in this Christian, All Saints Day, but more secular holiday so I thought I would go representin'. Wait...What? Too much?
Well, before you judge, I saved a lot of lives Saturday night and was asked for a slew of photo ops. Who knew!?!

Put Me In The Game Coach

I coach a course called the Self Expression and Leadership Program (SELP) and it has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. Participants sign up for this course to "make it hurt so good". In other words, they take on projects that confront them and they have breakthroughs as a result. It is who they are and how their community sees them that causes results. So it really ends up not being about the project but about their way of being that makes the difference. There is a participant in the course right now who is a bit on the shy and meek side. He is a crew dancer who is expressive in motion but hard pressed to communicate when talking about his project. But recently, he faced that fear and came up with a project that is incredible. It is called, "Knockout for Knockers". He is organizing a breast cancer fundraiser around a boxing event and he is off-the-charts excited and lit up. He is being someone he never thought he could be and he will never be the same as a result. The rubberband has been stretched and it will never go back to it's original shape.
So many times we let a "story" or our past predict our future. By hanging on to that past (a bad situation or experience) our future is most certainly doomed or stopped. But if we confront it head on and thank it for sharing and move on, we can be unstoppable in anything we want to do. Did you know that the movie, Pay It Forward was a project developed in this course?
The possibilities are endless. Have a great day today and be unreasonable, impossible possibilities.
And here is an article about a former collegue at Deluxe Corporation who is now living in Colorado and livng out his dream. http://www.5280.com/issues/2009/0909/feature.php?pageID=1911

Balance and Priorities

Well, it's been quite a spell.

Been trying to achieve balance and what's important. So this is what I came up with:

1. Family (easy)
2. Creativity (hard, very hard)
3. Job (easy)

Those are in order of importance to me. And here is the good news:
My dad is finally home from the nursing home. Back in his blue leather chair and back to his old tricks. For 85, not a bad gig.

They also got news today of an offer on their house. Thank God my brother is home to help seal the deal. And the cottage they want at the retirement community is open and the price has dropped 20 thousand so things are looking up. If all goes well, I am going home in October to help them move.

And my job is still safe. In fact, up for an award. Will find out if my group got it on September 1st. Toes and fingers crossed.

So, all in all, things are looking good. No complaints. Just trying to keep my priorities straight.

And speaking of Creativity, seems like I have hit the wall on painting so trying to express myself in this manner. A friend once said, just do "something". Well, here is my "something". At least they are getting "some" creative juices flowing and were fun to do. That alone was worth it.

From top to bottom - Mixed Media, Collage, 9x12, 9x12, 16x20, 24x30

Sagittarius

This is very true. Adaptable as well as charming but I wonder who the not-so-flexible friend is?

August 20, 2009
Sagittarius (11/22-12/21)
One of the best traits anyone can possibly possess, especially in times like these, is adaptability. You have that quality down pat, and it's certainly going to come in handy. The last thing in the world you were ever expecting is exactly what you can expect right now. Fortunately, you're always open to new and exhilarating experiences, so you won't mind at all -- but you may be called on to help a friend who isn't quite so flexible.

Passages

Gas prices, parking fees, potholes, wearing skirts, comfort, practicality, cute,
etc., etc., etc....


From this:












To this:

Brrrrrg-Brrrrrg *** Dad's turn ***

Hello.

*** This is mom. Dad just went to the hospital. Can't talk but will call you later.

How are you doing mom?

I am fine. Got to go back into room with dad. I will call you later....

(sigh)



Hi, This is Phyllis. How are you?

I am fine. How are you? (Thinking all along, why is Phyllis calling me? She and her husband are friends to my parents so this must mean there is something wrong.)

I don't want you to panic and your mom does not want you to jump on a plane but she is in the hospital. I asked if I could call you because I thought you kids should know. You know your mom. Doesn't want to bother anyone.

I know. Thank you for calling me. What happened? Is she okay?

She said she just did not feel right. Felt sick and had a persistent and painful headache. Your dad went to the nursing home in the meantime, so we are going to grab some clothes for him and go visit.

Thank you for being such great friends to my parents, Phyllis. And thank you so much for calling. I will let my brother know. Again, thank you so much.

It is what friends do. We look out for each other.

So...
I called my mom at the hospital. She was on morphine so she was very tired. She established that she just did not feel right and it had been going on for a about a week or so. When she got up that morning, she got sick and had a headache. She thought it might pass so she showered and had her breakfast. It did not, so, she called the hospital. They came and picked her up. Since my dad is totally dependent on my mom, he had to go as well. They took them both and as my mom got checked in, my dad sat and waited. Then someone from the nursing home came and picked up my father because he needed his care and meds. Bottom line, both are in great care and it is still not clear what is going on with my mom. They are doing further testing that includes a stress test.
My mom is exhausted. She is 79 and has been in good health but since my dad's failing health over the last 4 years, she has been number one caretaker. That is a 24/7 job and I think she is just tired and stressed. So, this is where she ended up.
It is time to move on. Their hometown has a great retirement community and now they want and need to go. Unfortunately, the economy has made it hard for them to sell their house and, of course, they need to do that before they can move. However, I have been trying to come up with a plan to buy their house so they can move but now my property value has nothing to yield. And I have to hang on to my job or I won't have anything for my future... so rock and a hard spot.
Since when does getting older have to be such a challenge? Pride kept them from doing this 5 years ago when they first started talking about it. It had(has) a stigma attached that meant you were getting feeble and useless. But the good news is, there are more and more great communities popping up that are like Club Med for Seniors. Social and stimulating with continuing education classes to keep the mind engaged, trips and all kinds of activities. It is a good thing and with the aging Boomers hitting their peak, they seem to be smarter about the inevitable and are okay with making plans early.
So, this brings this line to mind: "...when you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
Wait a minute... I have been doing that.... ;o)

"Well...what if I did lose my job?

Does anyone else think it's ironic, strange or just sick that Anne Heche is in a show called "Hung"? Does anyone else think it's ironic, strange or just sick that the lead actor's last name is Jane but he is playing the role of Ray Drecker with an impressive "part". Or, does anyone else think it's ironic, strange or just sick that HBO is airing this?

And let me save you a post... does anyone else think it's ironic, strange or just sick that I am watching this crap? Answer: ______

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I guess...

What's in your wallet?

What if I lose my job...

California cannot agree on what should happen to the budget. San Diego forgot to "count" the impact of all the property tax reassessments that directly fund the salaries for county workers.

What if I lose my job...

• Sell my condo and get back as much equity as possible


• Move and buy a house with my recovered equity


• Be a Walmart Greeter or the equivalent; a low stress job with health care


• Take long walks


• Read


• Sleep well at night


• Occasionally, swat mosquitoes


• Shovel snow

Not a bad plan...

Avid Readers

If you like to read and have read a lot of books or know of books you want to read, there is a great site that allows you to not only organize in categories but lets you find and order on line if you so choose.

I have started tracking the books I have read, currently reading and want to read. Of course, I don't feel like I have the time to read since I feel like I should be getting something else accomplished. However, one of my 2009 resolutions was to find or make the time to read more. So, I have started to go through my library and track it. I have more to add but it is an interesting way to track just how much you have consumed but also to "go shopping" for what you want to devour in the future. I have included link on right-hand side as a widget (it only shows a few entries) or see link below for home page.

Fun journey. Enjoy. Goodreads.

What's in a Word

The more uncomfortable a subject, the more I am drawn to it. The more I want to pick at it like a scab on a day-old mosquito bite. I know I shouldn't but, for some reason, I am compelled to pick and pick until it bleeds. I then have to dot my compulsion (or leg, in this case) with a piece of toilet paper; learning that trick from my dad, as he would exit the bathroom some mornings looking like a connect-the-dot art project. However, my little wet fragment, shielding me from the world, would quickly fall off. I would be left with the oozing compulsion all because I could not leave it alone. But what if I was being genuinely curious? There is nothing wrong with being curious. I was encouraged to be curious. Curiosity did not kill the cat in my house. And it always resulted in some form of satisfaction even though it was left with an oozing byproduct at times.

Take love for instance. I am curious about it. I am curious about the word, the sound, the meaning and the results. I am curious why I am so compelled to show it and say it and yet it makes people uncomfortable. But, we all want it so badly. We want to be told, touched and tempted by love. We want to do what Jesus would do (or at least the Beatles). And notice how people certainly have ease in showing it to puppies, talking in a high squeaky voice, but their eyes are diverted and disconnected to the human on the other end of the leash. Maybe we don’t really know to what degree or shade of love we can handle or hand out. Should it only be said in a relationship such as a parent or partner? But otherwise, it is not to be shared or shown freely in mixed company or corporate setting? And should we not exploit it with phrases like, “I love ice cream”. How do you love ice cream? Does ice cream love you back? How do you love an inanimate object? Shouldn't love be reserved for an emotional exchange? Give and take? What did ice cream ever give you but a fat ass or maybe "love" handles? So what is this fascination with love? It's only a word. How can four letters have so much of an impact?

One summer, Laura and I spent a lot of time on the golf course. We were decent players so it earned us the right to be somewhat competitive. Not necessarily with each other but with our own game and handicap. So, when we would not hit the ball as anticipated, we would shout out our favorite expletive, F*ck. It felt good. It got the tension released and ended up with a giggle of sorts. One afternoon, at the 19th hole, we had a discussion and decided a word is just a word and it is only a word to take notice of when someone gives it meaning. But why should we give it meaning? If we didn’t then wasn't it empty and meaningless? We were sure we were right but we were still fascinated by the word F*ck. (It was a slow summer.) But how could four letters, put together in a row, have such an impact on the speaker and listener. It seemed ridicules when we thought about it. Again, how could the order of letters lined up and vibrating past vocal chords with sound trailing through your lips to land on the ears of the listener provoke a reaction? Fascinating! Sufficiently pleased with our analysis, (slow summer reminder) we decided we were going to conduct an experiment and attempt to desensitize the work F*ck by using it as often as we wanted. We did have some scruples, knowing that most of the public still had an opinion about the word, so we were careful who we did our experiment around. So, off to the golf course we went, putter and profanity in tow.

It was a fun and expressive summer. We actually played well but not so great that we did not get to adequately conduct our experiment. F*ck was used quite a bit on tee shots. You just knew, stepping up to the white dimpled globe, it was going to meet its fate and end up well down the fairway; landing on the best patch of grass for that second shot. But a last minute squeeze of the grip pulled the club inward and the ball skirted off in a direction that was embarrassingly short and just inside the rough. F*ck! Second shot, you pulled out the best metal wood in the bag. It had rails that were supposed to lift the ball up and out, sending it on its way to that patch of grass where your tee shot was anticipated to originally land. Assessing, you adjusted for a slight angle and ball below your feet. You put yourself into a bit of a crouch and adjusted stance so you would be sure to hit that sweet spot. Swoosh. F*ck. Topped it. Not enough crouch and lifted. Good news was, you were on the fairway but lying 2 and you were still shorter than the previous days tee shot. F*ck. A couple more swings and you were finally on the green in 4. Still decent. Thank goodness it was a par 5. You were about 3 feet out. Not a terribly challenging putt. Should be able to sink it for par but there was a downward slope and break right anticipated. You made your walk to the cup, picking up micro fibers and tapping down dents where the asshole before you did not tend to the green. You crouched again but this time trying to line it up making sure you called that break correctly. F*ck. It sailed past the cup and you were now further out than your landing shot. F*ck. There went par. Eh, bogie’s okay. After a couple more swipes paired with F*ck, patience lost, it finally fell into the cup. F*ck. Double bogey.

We would proceed throughout the summer, still resorting to our favorite word to ease the tension and draw a giggle of sorts. It was especially fun on the back nine when we would scream it into the woods. And the experiment did work. It truly did desensitize the word but unfortunately, it was only for us. We still had a responsibility to the listener and the listener thought otherwise. So this brought us to another conclusion: our dialogue was only as valid as the listener was willing to not assign impact. Therefore, if the listener gave the word meaning, it did not matter that it did not have that meaning for us. We still had a responsibility to the listener. We actually knew that going in. As you may recall, I did say we had scruples so we conducted our experiment in a controlled environment. It was very non-scientific.

Remember the word love? This story brings me back to that word. Another four-letter word that packs as much residual difference as F*ck. If you brush away the dust, like an archeological dig, you find the residual bones of the word still existing after time. However, for love, it seemed to be just the opposite. It was not about the listener not assigning value but assigning the proper value. So, as we speak, we have a responsibility to the listener on how they receive our message. We cannot be selfish in our delivery. We cannot deliver freely, gaining benefits only for ourselves. If we have any integrity, we cannot irresponsibly let highly meaningful words fall on someone’s listening and not take ownership for the impact. So, as much as I want the world to sing, in perfect harmony, I need to be mindful of how I deliver my words. That is difficult for me. I am selfish in that I want the listener to get me. To understand where I am coming from and to what degree I am delivering. And if they don’t, I am not necessarily interested in making sure they do. That is wrong. I have a responsibility to them. I have a responsibility of relatedness that needs to be established before I can go off willy-nilly on my word spree.

So what do I do about it? I am not sure. Perhaps not say it? Choke on my self expression? Find a way to express it with the proper impact but deliver it in a non-confrontational way? Sounds passive aggressive to me. I have to think on this one. But in the meantime… I love you (*in a nongender-specific prison-sort-of way)? I “love” that phrase.

Dust Bowl 2009

Uh oh. Looks like there's some Magic dust in the air...

Meaningful Conversation

Topics for Meaningful Conversation
Societies quest to talk but not communicate
What?
What?
You talkin' to me?
Not snark
Not lack of opinion
Above it?
It won't translate
Lead to a misunderstanding
Think it's more than it is
Or "he/she likes me"
eewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Urban more w's the worse it is
Keep the distance
Superficial
Not THAT
Safe membrane
Surrounds egg
Attempted pierce
Empty "punning"
Is that a word?
Should be...it's funny
Of course it is
Fool
Intellectualize it
Poke it
Prod it
Smack it and call it mama...
I am bored
I am wondering
What's there to talk about
I mean "talk" about
Communicate about
Not skim over
Commit
Is this the place
Anything to "talk" about?
Maybe not
We don't talk in person
Why should we talk here
Empty
Empty
Empty
echo
echo
echo
Anybody there
Anybody want to play in the sand box
Get some sand in their underwear
Anybody
Bueller
Bueller

Religion
Sex
Music - Error's got that
War
Economy
Baseball - WGOM's got that
Senseless ranting
Ranting - Pony's got that
Senseless code - Savannah's got that
Travelogues
Yes...that is it
Travelogues

(to be cont.)

Delete?

Facebook
Oh no
Not Facebook
Sound bytes
Empty meaningless one sentence with nothing behind it no commitment buried in the line by line never ending meaningless unresponsive.... Facebook

But kids, grandkids, weddings, graduations, marathons, invites....life is on Facebook

But...

Delete?

You are right.

These posts suck. I am cleaning house soon.... ;o)

But don't I look cute with the little black dog?

Swell Guy, Ponyboy

Wow....
Remember Ponyboy? Not the character in the book...our fellow blogger, who was a self-proclaimed parasite, sucking the life out of the efforts of other bloggers. He often left a trail of blood as he slithered off into the bushes waiting for his next opportunity to pounce.
Not knowing him, I can only imagine he was once like this. A sweet and tender lad who never swore and was as courtesy as his mother's expectations.
But now look at him. WTF! What happen Pony? What happen?
He is now responsible for children. Lord have Mercy. Is there hope? You tell me.

FIFTY-THREE

2008

Friends/Family:
Brother's Family, Kelly, Gretchen

I attended Gay Pride. It was a circus act for the most part but I wanted to go and check it out. I am pretty open minded and a lot of my friends and associates are gay. Plus, I try to reserve judgement until I understand as much as I can. And even then, I tend to hold back/not judge.

I also attended my first gay wedding. Kelly and Gretchen got married. It was in August and it was an honor to be there. I am not sure how I feel about gay marriage for I am not sure it is something that needed to be fought for in terms of gay rights but I do understand that love is love and often with love comes devotion. I guess it is more about Equal Rights. So, in terms of love and devotion, which usually translates into time, energy and emotion, I guess I get the fight. If I had someone I loved dying in a hospital and I had spent a significant part of my life with that individual but was not allowed in the room as their life slipped away, I would have issues too. But, I know it is more than bed-side presence. I get that. However, one thing I hear addressed more and more in the gay community is infidelity. So I get confused. Why do they want the rights of a union, that by translation and in vows say, love, honor and cherish. Those three words do not mean "get some" when you want to regardless of the union. And for that matter, someone explain its prevalence in the heterosexual community where marriage is accepted, expected and rejected more and more.

As someone once said, I have a big heart. I am the one who always roots for the underdog. If someone looks like they are not having fun at a party, I am the one who saunters over and makes conversation. That is not vanity. That is empathy. In high school, I was not in a clique. Or at least it did not feel like I was. I suppose to the outsider I was in the cheerleading clique. Or athlete clique. But I actually tried to not hang out with one crowd. I am not sure what that was about. Perhaps curiosity, avoid typecasting, defiance. So, new or uncomfortable is not so foreign to me. I definitely have things I am uncomfortable with or around but, in large, it does not bother me. I attribute that to my strong suit of independence. And that independence lets me explore and be open minded.
In history, this happened: 2008
http://www.infoplease.com/world/events/2008/

FIFTY-TWO

2007

Friends/Family:
Brother's Family, Debbie

I remember the news of Virginia Tech. I immediately thought of my nephews. Three were in college at the time. I remember thinking that the innocence was gone. The innocence for my nephews was gone. Even though they were in schools in California, it could happen anywhere. Today the pressure and vulnerability of students is astounding and it runs so deep in an ever-demanding world. Not sure if it compares to the same pressures of Vietnam and the incident at Kent State only to say that innocent people got shot. There was angst about the war among the students, among the armed guards and law. However, unlike Virginia Tech, it did not mount and go unnoticed.

This picture was taken in Vegas. I went with some friends and we saw The Blue Man Group. It was pretty entertaining for Vegas.

I was just getting started in the DA's office. I was trying to fill positions from vacancies left by retirements, military leave and transfers. I was getting my feet wet, actually soaked, in the red tape of government. In the private sector, it was much easier to hire and fire with "at-will".



Funny term: "at will". I like it though.


Dictionary.com says it means: at will (adverb) as one chooses or pleases; "he can roam the neighborhood at will"


For the work place it means: The Company does not offer tenured or guaranteed employment. Either the Company or the employee can terminate the employment relationship at any time, with or without cause, with or without notice.


This hearkens back to growing up in a home where I had to take responsibility. Not an option not to. Sounds tough? But if it's your way of life, you don't know any better. So, you go out and expect others to be as responsible. When you don't see it, it gets a bit frustrating. Especially in the workplace. Personally, I think many organizations could get by with less people as they are quickly finding out in today's economy. Less is more. Just so I am not one of the "Less".

There were destructive fires in California in 2007. I was living downtown at the time. I remember feeling safe. or as safe as I could be, surrounded by concrete. So many people lost homes or were displaced. Even my brother and family were out of their home for about 8 days. But amazingly, there was only one person in the DA's office who lost their home. That was remarkable since there are over 1,200 people who work here.
To assist, I worked as much as I could during the fires. I bought supplies and took them to shelters. I also helped with 211 calls and created maps to assist in the field. It was nice to be able to contribute but sad to see the devastation. It was a crazy fire that was in full control of its destiny. It did not let the firemen win very often.

In history, this happened: 2007
http://www.infoplease.com/year-review-2007.html

FIFTY-ONE

2006

Friends/Family:
Mollie, JoAnn, Sam, Kristin

The real estate market was going goofy and I kept looking at property all over the place. I had doubled my money on my house in less than 2 years. Yet, after all these years in SO CAL I was still not feeling like it was home. I was antsy and wanted to move. I still feel like I moved here to lick my wounds and reset my life. So, I thought the reset was nearing an end so started looking. I looked at a project in Austin, TX and Mpls. I really liked the concept of this project called The Bridges. I even had a place on reserve. But right before I sent in my money, something stopped me. I just did not feel right about it...for many reasons. I am so glad I waited. The project never got off the ground and in hindsight, that is when I noticed the market changing.
Mollie and JoAnn, friends from Mpls, came out to help me with a garage sale. We plowed through so many things that I had moved from home to home and it was time to purge. I was looking forward to simplifying. The garage sale ran Saturday only and I sold over $1500.oo worth of stuff. That night we went to dinner and celebrated. What great friends they are!
One week before I was to move, my dog Tiger was attacked by coyotes in my backyard. It was at 3 AM when I let him out to go to the bathroom. I heard a yelping and I ran out. I saw nothing. I ran around to the side of the house and saw two coyotes trotting down the street. One had Tiger in its mouth. I ran after them screaming. They finally drop him and he ran under a bush. The coyotes stopped and watched me. I scooped up my dog and ran back to the house. I put him in the sink and bathed him. He seemed fine. I only saw a little blood. But about 2 minutes later, he collapsed. I took him to emergency where they stabilized him. They shaved his body and he had bite marks all over him but they thought they could save him. Later in the day, he started bleeding and it did not stop. They rushed him to surgery. The Vet came to talk to me and said it was going to be expensive and no guarantee. I said to proceed. They prepped him but he started to fade fast at 10 PM. I did not make it to see Tiger one last time. He was gone. I had lost a significant "pal" and only one week from moving into my new place. Very sad.
My indecisiveness on where to live is about me "cutting". (Pull up and move if you cannot find what you need.) Seems I can justify why I don't want to live here anymore. But where do I want to go? I am not sure. Is being older now a deterrent to a move? Do I need to have all my business affairs in order to make the move? Being carefree comes with a price. OR does it. Perhaps waiting for the moment, the moment to run, is more detrimental. But I know one thing. It is not San Diego. It is a city who thinks it's all that. A little city who has not capitalized on its sunshine...not even for tourists. A military town who still has not shaken the stereotypical strip joints. A little city so close to LA but culture cannot get past the checkpoint. A little city so close to the border, a beautiful country - Mexico - but to go is a death wish. So, I am done. But I can't leave yet. I have to get things lined up. Carefree comes with a price...and to me, of all people. The independent one. Hmmmm....
However, I made the move downtown into my condo at M2i. I decided to stick it out and since I got my new job, perhaps things would turnaround. I was very excited knowing that I no longer had to commute and could walk to work. It was a mile but was looking forward to getting the exercise. As the year wore on, I noticed the prevalence of homelessness downtown. I walked to work one day and a gentleman, who was draped in a soiled Mexican blanket, stepped out in front of me. My gag reflexes got the best of me. The stench was alarming. I had to stop and cross the street. I felt terrible in a physical way but also emotionally as I watched the man slumber along with no clue of his horrid smell.
Due to the mild climate, the homelessness in San Diego is high. During tourist season, the Sheriff will scoop them up and bring them into jail where they will get a shower, clean clothes, hot meals, medical exams and in some cases meds. Even though that is a temporary benefit for all, soon they are deposited back out on the streets. Sadly, a lot of the homelessness is due to mental illness, not down-on-their-luck circumstances. But there are reputable shelters and facilities, such as Father Joe's, where they can get help. It is just a matter of them taking advantage of it, which is difficult since their logic is impaired and predators are plentiful.
My walking continued but as Winter came, darkness arrived at 5:00 PM. So, I adjusted my hours so I could make it home before dark. That would be about the time the tweekers would come out to play. I was never bothered but in talking with DA personnel, they suggested I not walk. Soon afterwards, I got a parking spot next to the office. It ended up being a bit of a curse though because I now stay later at the office.
Two months after I started at the DA's office, I got a call from my former boss. He told me that Kristin was shot by her husband. Kristin was someone who reported to me at my former job. She was a graphic artist and married to Sam, a deputy sheriff, and they had two kids. Right before Christmas, Sam and Kristin got into an argument and he shot her in the face. Their 4-year old son was in their bedroom when it happened. Her parents, living at their home at the time, heard the fight and came to her rescue but it was too late. She died a few hours after the shooting. I saw the autopsy pictures. I would not listen to the 911 call.
My job now had a very personal face and it gave me a whole new perspective on the type of business I am in.

In history, this happened: 2006
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2006.html

FIFTY

2005

Friends/Family:
Rob, Kate, Karen, Pam, Dan

I had a great birthday party at the "W". It was a blast. I don't remember my feet hitting the ground the entire night. It was well attended and my friends Rob and Kate flew in from Minneapolis which made it even more special. The gifts were unwrapped as fast as the liquor was flowing. The dancing was fast and furious. It was a great evening. I was very grateful to all who attended.

I was living with Karen while my condo was being finished. My house sold sooner than expected so the timing was such that I would need to live with Karen for about 3 months. It ended up being 9 months and it was about as painful as a pregnancy going beyond full term. Note to self: do not live with friends if you want to keep them as friends. We have since made amends so all is well.

My independence was put to the test in this situation. It was difficult to not have my own space and own things. And Karen was very picky about certain things. I could not wrap my head around them as being significant but I complied. So, using my fight or flight instinct, I took flight and this is when I started training for Tucson. My loss of power in this situation took me on a positive journey. I raised $1500 dollars for charity and accomplished a milestone in the process. So, strong suits can payoff in a positive way.

I trained and took part in a Cycling Century Ride in Tuscon 05-06. It was so much fun but very hard work. I rode 109 miles in just under 7 hours which will not win in Paris but won in my book as a major accomplishment. Unfortunately, I aggravated my knee so had to stay off it for a while. I was not able to continue biking afterwards. Too bad because you lose all your strength and air so quickly if you do not continue. Still have my bike but I put it on the trainer in my condo and have converted it to more of a commuter. Nice bike though.

My friend of 30-plus years, who told me about the job at the DA, decided to retire and move back to Ohio. I did not see that one coming. It ended up being okay but I was shocked she was leaving San Diego. She and her husband had decided to go back and take care of her mother. Her husband, a San Diego native, also wanted to try a new part of the country. Yeah, but SNOW??

I left my job at Emerald Publications after 7 years of employment. It was a great job but I wanted to try something new. I got wind of the DA job so I went for it. One of the perks was the retirement. It had to be one of the only places left where you could draw a retirement paycheck after a few years of service. Given the nature of the economy and me supporting my favorite person, ME, it seemed like a good idea. I still think it was a wise move and I am still here. I think I can...I think I can...I know I can...I know I can.

In history, this happened: 2005
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2005.html

FORTY-NINE

2004

Friends/Family:
Bob, Carol

Well, a little something changed from the end of 2003 to 2004. I was in Southern CA and all the cool kids were doing it so I did too. I decided a lighter version of me was in order. Went after work one day and said to my Stylist, "Let's do this". He thought I was nuts but he was excited to do it. Meant a bit more coin for him and a whole new adventure for me. I kept it for a few years and had fun with it. No impact that I was aware of other than my gray hair did not show up as quickly. This picture was taken by Bob, my ex. We were at the Monte Carlo, one of my favorite narrow little restaurants. They poured them like you were making them at home. Anyway, I was in town so we met for dinner then he took me to the airport. We had a great time and genuinely were glad to see each other. When we got to the airport he came in and sat with me. It was uncomfortable and sad. All the "what ifs" showed up and we both got teary-eyed. He finally left and I watched him walk away. He called me when I got home and said it was good to see me. I said the same. But that was it. We both had moved on and rightly so. Closure.

Again, I was extremely, EXTREMELY fortunate to be able to go on a cruise on the Adriatic Sea with a start in Venice, traveling around the boot and stopping in Rome and the Mediterranean Sea. Channel 8 again invited us to join them on a once-in-a-lifetime trip only this was a twice-in-a-lifetime. It was like Heaven. I was well aware of how fortunate I was to be on that trip. I cherished every day. Along the way, we had different stopping points at sweet and quaint coastal towns as well as Dubrovnik, Croatia, Pompeii, and Mount Etna.


Dubrovnik was dripping with the aftermath of war. Even though they had rebuilt in many areas, bombs and bullet holes pierced through the historic walled city. Pompeii was fascinating. It was incredible to learn of their modern society in 79 AD. Mount Etna is where this picture was taken. We took these huge monster trucks to the top. It was not exactly a smooth ride but they got us there and we hiked the rim of the volcano. We started and midway through I began to softly freak out. I had to stop. I was a bit paralyzed by the height and thin air. The path was about two feet across and on either side was "straight down". The guide had to come and do some motivational coaching and strategic pressure points on my hands to divert my fear. I finally got going again only to usher in a cloud that was as thick as cotton. The only thing I could see was the pair of feet in front of me. I could only rely on them knowing the way back. I accomplished it and was so thankful for the experience. By the way, Mount Etna erupted about a week after we returned to the states.


In history, this happened: 2004
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2004.html

FORTY-EIGHT

2003
Friends/Family:
Carol, June

I bought my house in RB. What a deal but it required a lot of love and elbow grease. I was up for the challenge. It was about 1500 sq ft which was huge for me coming from a condo. It also had a backyard and a double car garage. It might as well have been a palace. I started working on it right away. I put in new carpet and tile, drapes, painted the walls in an artistic way, and put in new lights. I also tore up the yard which was filled with rock and replaced with sod so my little dog, Tiger would have a place to run.

The second bedroom I converted into an art studio of sorts. I had my computer and supplies and did not care if I got paint on the walls. This is when I got involved in my new church and stared doing artwork for them. The painting here is in the atrium and it is about 16 feet by 8 feet. Then under each section I put framed verses from the Bible. It was a huge project but I was very please with the installation. The painting is called "The Trinity".

I also painted at services during musical performances. I would get paired up with a soloist and do interpretive painting while he or she sang. It was fun but very physical. I would do a 4 by 6 foot painting in the span of a few minutes. It was action painting for sure. Then I would repeat this effort for 2 more services. By the end, I was spent.

I don't do it anymore. I got too engrossed in the sliver of being "it" and it lost its purpose for me. However, I must say that one Sunday a little boy was on stage and one of my previous paintings was up there serving as a prop. He was being interviewed about the death of his mother. The pastor asked him if he needed anything more since the church had just completed a Home Makeover for his family. He pointed to the painting and said, "I would like to have that. I remember when it was being painted and as I watched, it reminded me of my mother." They immediately gave him the painting. It was of an angel.

A week after I moved into my house, I headed off on a trip of a lifetime. I was going to Australia. I was a guest of Carol's whose husband owned a car dealership. He did not want to go so I got to go in his place for FREE! Channel 8 was giving businesses who did their advertising with them "perk" trips. I was super fortunate and right before I went I lightened my hair. (More detail in 2004.) Carol and I had a great time. Our first leg was in Sydney for about 3 days. On the last night we had dinner at the Opera House. Near the end of the evening, Ed, the CEO at Channel 8, invited everyone out on the patio by the water. A tug boat cruised by and started towards the middle of the bay. We had no idea what was going on. Soon the show started. It was the most spectacular set of fireworks I have ever seen and it was set to music. Incredible! From there we went to Cairns. There I got to snorkel over the Great Barrier Reef. I saw a giant turtle and so many beautiful fish. Being suspended in that water was a feeling of total bliss. I was so lucky to be there and experience this part of the world.

In history, this happened: 2003
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2003.html

FORTY-SEVEN

2002

Friends/Family:
Boatboy

Went back to Mexico. Also, went to London and Paris with Boatboy. London and Paris were fully dedicated to art. While in London, I went to Tate Britain and Modern, National Gallery, National Portrait Gallery and local galleries as well as the wonderful pubs. While in Paris, I did the obvious stops such as Notre Dame, Eiffel Tower and Moulin Rouge, to name a few. I also went to the Picasso Museum, Musée d'Orsay, Centre Pompidou, and then up to Monet's Garden at Giverny and American Art Museum as well as, Honfleur and the Normandy Coast. I lived mostly on French bread, goat cheese and red wine plus lots of espresso with a sugar cube and lemon rind.
Believe it on not, I did not go to Musée du Louvre. I did not want to slight that experience. So, I said I would always go back and stay on Ile de la Cité for a week or so and just do that. But this time, it was an incredible trip. Incredible! I love Paris.
In history, this happened: 2002
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2002.html

FORTY-SIX

2001
Friends/Family:

Boatboy

Met Boatboy. Good times. Akumal, Mexico and all over the Yucatan Peninsula; Two Harbors, Catalina; Marina Del Rey on the Grand Banks...

In history, this happened: 2001
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2001.html

FORTY-FIVE

2000

Friends/Family:
Carol, Debbie

Bought my first piece of real estate in California. What I paid for my 1000 sq. ft. condo was the same as my house on 6 acres in Minnesota. Welcome to California.
I also got a dog. I went to the local shelter and got a rescue dog. I walked through and he was the only one not barking. When I walked up to the fence, he came over and licked my hand. He had me at first lick. I adopted him and decided to name him Tiger. We bonded immediately and he became the hit of the complex. Everyone loved Tiger. More about Tiger in 2006.

In history, this happened: 2000
http://www.infoplease.com/year/2000.html

FORTY-FOUR

1999
Friends/Family:
Brother's Family, Mom and Dad

I moved into my condo. It seemed like it was going to be a good place to live. There was a nice pool, tennis courts, modern and clean complex. It was close to the village and I had plenty of room for all of my things. I got into a routine of walking quite a bit around there because the views were so beautiful. And my nephews would come over a lot to go swimming. So, it was a nice transitional place to land coming from Minnesota. However, that is when I started my downward slide. I got very depressed. It was to the point of needing to go to the doctor. He recommended meds but I did not want to take anything. I thought I should be able to snap out of it. He recommended counseling. I took it. Once a week I went to a group specifically designed for people going through divorce. I hated the idea of going because I thought I was stronger than that but I went. It ended up being helpful because it helped me understand what was going on. I was mourning the loss of the dream, the rejection of my vows and significant changes in my life. I had quit my job, moved, lost some friends and went through a divorce in the span of 3 months. All the stresses of life piled into one heap. I eventually got a job 10 months later and that is when I truly started my uphill transition.

In history, this happened: 1999
http://www.infoplease.com/year/1999.html

FORTY-THREE

1998
Friends/Family:
Brother's Family, Mom and Dad

This is my sister-in-law and four nephews at my mom and dad's 50th wedding anniversary.

In January, I finally got a job. It was with a small risk management company where I would be in charge of designing and implementing training programs for businesses so they would be in compliance for risk assessment. It was a good fit for me at the time. I went from a large Corporate America environment to a small privately owned company. It was a good way to ease back into the workforce. There were only five of us on staff but I managed the outsourced illustrators who worked with me on the lesson plans.

We had some pretty significant accounts: McDonalds, Mrs. Fields, AM PM, Shell, Subway, Chevron and more. I worked with each account in setting up their programs. So, even though it was a small group, we had a pretty big impact. In hindsight, it was a great business model. Very little overhead and when needed, we would be in the back working on mailing lists and packing lesson plans. The company made a nice little profit.

My experience, during this timeframe, was about putting myself back together and rebuilding a new life. I liked the people I worked for so it was a good transition. Kent, the owner, had a private jet so he would invite me on sales calls and we would fly to our accounts. We went to Salt Lake City, Seattle and Dallas to name a few. I am not much of a flyer but I, for the most part, felt comfortable flying with Kent. I would sit up front and see the world out in front of us. It was pretty exciting. One time, flying into Dallas, there was a big storm brewing and the clouds were amazing. The turbulance was starting to pick up so it tossed the little jet around quite a bit. On that particular flight, I was thankful to land. Kent assured me that we were not in danger because it was just turbulence but I was still glad to be standing on solid ground.

In history, this happened: 1998
http://www.infoplease.com/year/1998.html

FORTY-TWO

1997
Friends/Family:
Brother's Family, Mom and Dad, Bob, Lisa

I got a divorce and moved to San Diego and Princess Diana was my refuge in the storm.

I remember it was a Saturday and a beautiful day. I was in the bedroom. Bob was outside mowing the yard. I called my brother in CA and told him I thought I was getting a divorce. He said to come out to San Diego and let's talk. The next day when I got to work, there was a plane ticket on my desk. My brother had over-nighted a ticket to me. I went to my boss and explained the situation. He was so understanding and said to take as much time as I needed. The original plan was to go to San Diego for a week.

I got there and we eased into the conversation about my fate. My brother and his wife were awesome. They listened. They let me cry. My nephews got me iced tea. It was a very supportive environment. A day before I was to go back, my sister-in-law said, "Why don't you stay a bit longer". So, I did. I called my boss and said I would like to extend my time off. He was great and said okay. At that point, my thoughts became more committed to moving ahead. My sister-in-law and I started looking for apartments, storage facilities and the job market. By the time I got on the plane, I had rented storage and my next home. I would be back in about a month.

I got off the plane and Bob was there to pick me up. We were going to dinner to talk. At dinner, I announced I was moving to CA. It was a civil conversation and I felt good although sad. From that point on, the changes came like a tsunami. The word was out. Friends came through with love and support and others chose sides. I started packing and, as I went through the things, Bob and I would negotiate on who got what. Again, it was civil.

When it came time for me to leave, the reality of the situation hit me. I got extremely sad and started to doubt my decision. I almost felt desperate. But my friend Kirstin, who was not an obvious player in my life at the time, really came through. She offered her home to me as a retreat and a ride to the airport on my final day. As I pulled away from my house, my heart was pitch black. My dog, Blu was to stay with Bob but I was so going to miss her. I held her and sobbed. As I pulled away, a small voice kept me focused on this being the right thing to do. Plus, Bob had moved on and was off diverting his attention elsewhere.

The next day my Deluxe group threw yet another happy hour but this time it was a going away party for me. They were so sweet and boosted my spirits. It was so nice to know that I had such a good support system even though some of our mutual married friends became casualties of the split. They gave me a globe, something I always wanted. It was to become my quest to travel around it.

I got on the plane and started my CA journey in Lake Tahoe. My whole family decided to vacation there for the week. It was, yet again, a great support system but the reality of my new life beginning was daunting.

I finally got to San Diego and lived with my brother for about 2 weeks. While there, I did a lot of artwork around their house. It was a great way to refocus my thinking. I also got to spend some quality time with my nephews and we took advantage of it. We hit all the tourist spots and went to the park and theater. It was as comfortable as it could be.

Lisa came out to visit me when I finally was ready to move into my condo. She was a godsend.


In history, this happened: 1997
http://www.infoplease.com/year/1997.html

FORTY-ONE

1996

Friends/Family:
Carol K., Bob K., Bob K. Jr.
My husband's mother had asthma. She would constantly cough and sometimes it would get so bad that she could hardly catch her breath. She would not go anywhere without her "puffer". During the later part of December, close to Christmas, she went to the Dr. to find out why it was so severe. In the meantime, Carol, my mother-in-law and her husband Bob, came to our house for Christmas. It was a very mellow and quiet Christmas. That was very unusual because Bob Jr. (my husband) came from a very large family. It was typically a zoo around the holidays. Matter of fact, it was a zoo all the time. But since Carol was not sure of her health and did not feel like having the chaos surrounding her, they decided to come to our house for Christmas.

We had a nice time and after dinner Carol said she was feeling tired so she took to the couch and Bob Sr. and Jr. did the dishes. I stayed with Carol and we talked. She said she would find out the results of the Dr.'s test right after Christmas. She did not let on but you could tell she was very worried. The next day the Dr. called her and said she had cancer in her lungs and that her asthma had camouflaged it for quite a while.
She immediately went to the Dr. to talk about treatment. They drained her lungs and that gave her some relief from the pressure but it would return way too quickly. By the middle of January, she was admitted to the hospital. On January 29 we were all requested to come to say our good-byes. They let us all in the room to be with her. There were 13 of us. Julie sang. I massaged her feet. Stacy prayed. Bob Sr. paced. Bob Jr. sat silent in the far part of the room. Carol had an oxygen mask on her face and she finally pulled it off and said, "Let's try it without for a while." She was quiet and peaceful then started to talk. You could not make sense of what she was saying but she was talking to someone. Then her breathing started to slow and she finally took her last gasp and passed.
It was actually as beautiful as a death could be. I can only guess that she made her mind up to die when she took that oxygen mask off her face. Carol was a devote Catholic so I am pretty confident that she was talking to God and He was welcoming her home. The family was never the same after that. As with a lot of families, mothers hold everyone together. Carol was the glue. We tried to have our Sunday barbecues after that but without Carol and her famous potato salad or purple-lipping her wine, they missed in grandeur. Bob and I started our decline after her death. I am not sure there was a direct link or just an excuse to divert our attention but I could tell I was ready to move on. I started the slow phase of rejection which in hindsight was cowardly of me but it is what I knew to do at the time. If only...
In history, this happened: 1996
http://www.infoplease.com/year/1996.html

FORTY

1995

Friends/Family:
Mollie, Carol, Bob
Laura planned a surprise party for me with Bob and a lot of my Chisago City friends. We went downtown Minneapolis to a trendy little bar. Prior to that Bob and I went to Glueks for dinner and had a great time. He gave me a beautiful watch but I remember thinking..."A watch!!!??? Really???" Anyway, he said, "Let's go get a nightcap". We walked over to the bar where all my friends were waiting. It was a humbling and terrific time. Good memories.
Our friends had a cabin in Canada. We would drive up there and go fishing and prepare great meals and play cards and oh... drink. It was very remote so often times we would be the only people around. We would go out on the lake early in the morning, as the sun was coming up, and start our day with coffee and a baited hook. When we were done for the day we would head for the outdoor jacuzzi. It was heated with firewood so whoever got the short straw had to keep the fire going. Sometimes we would be in there and it would start snowing. Beautiful and tranquil!

In history, this happened: 1995
http://www.infoplease.com/year/1995.html